nathanjw | Capitalism (Reply)

The bar underneath my office has been advertising, for Boston Pride week, "rainbow martinis". Today I got around to asking them what the heck they put in a rainbow "martini". It turns out that it's not one multi-colored beverage, but an entire suite of colored martinis designed to separate the prideful from their pocketbook. I don't know whether to be impressed or appalled. Without further ado, here they are:

$8 Red: The one you can't keep your eyes off. Call him eye candy, call her hot. By any other name, it's the one we lust after to get into bed: this is not just another notch, this is the trophy! This martini of Southern Comfort, Amaretto, orange juice, and a drizzle of grenadine will be sure to pop that cherry. Now take it off, take it off!
$8 Orange: You're not quite sure. He catches your eye when he walks into the room: she gives you just that hint of a smile that keeps you guessing. Are they checking you out or are you checking them out? Smirnoff Orange, Grand Marnier, and orange juice will give you a nice kick to get your juices flowing. All of them!
$8 Yellow: We've all had that moment when we just can't seem to gather up enough nerve to make the first move. Even though we know we would regret not doing it. Get over it! This Lemoncello, Absolut Citron, sour, and a nice little surprise will give you that kick in the mouth that will be sure to make both of you pucker, f*ckers!
$8 Green: Whether it's envy, jealousy, or in this case, just plain horny. You want people to see you eating green shelled chocolate covered peanuts so that you can ever so slightly drop the hint that you're hard up. Dive into this mixture of Midori, pineapple, and Smirnoff Watermelon. You're sure to get some legs in the air. Yours or theirs!
$8 Blue: No, not the sad one, lonely one, or the one in dire need of an upper. This is the one that plays coy and shy, but inside they are just waiting to shock the shit out of you. You think you've had amazing sex? Try this Smirnoff, cranberry, pineapple, and Blue Curacao brew and you will be more than surprised. You know you want it.
$8 Purple: Sometimes it's more than just about sex. Sometimes we want to wake up next to someone and say "good morning" and not wonder what time they're finally going to leave. We've won a big battle this year. Let's celebrate with this Smirnoff Raz, Blue Curacao, and cranberry Martini, topped with a little bubbly. Cheers, Queers!

The nerd in me is bothered that it's "purple" and not "violet" at the end. Oh well.